| My life has really taken off in the last two/three weeks. Okay that's not entirely accurate. Maybe the proper way to put it is that it took off a long time ago, I've only just begun to enjoy the ride. Anyone who saw me post-breakup would know that I was a huge mess.. and that's putting it lightly. My self-esteem didn't exist, I was extremely insecure, I experienced deep anger, hatred, resentment and bitterness, I didn't know what to do with myself and life was becoming more and more unattractive each day. To this day, it's still beyond me why and how something so terrific could end so horribly, not even just in terms of romance but also what I thought would be a lifelong friendship. I still don't get it. The pain is there and will be for a long time but I'm dealing with it a little better each day. I take great solace in the fact that my conscience is clear. I can live with myself and walk away from this without any regrets. Now I've just been focusing on me and doing what makes ME happy. Finding it in myself to go out, enjoy life and salvage what little self-esteem, love and humor that exists inside me. Thus begins my journey of re-discovering and re-building myself. After having lost a few more pounds on the "break-up diet" which..by the way, is more effective than any diet I've ever tried, I've started to really feel more confident in my own skin. Coupled with modeling, I'm learning the good things about myself, what I can do and what I need to improve on. I know it seems a little weird that I'm trying to boost my self-esteem, yet I am constantly putting myself in a situation where I will be scrutinized and criticized. I can't explain why but it's been helping me. I'm learning a lot about myself, mainly that I can't please everyone, nor should I try. I should just be brave, confident, give it my best shot and let Him take care of the rest. The fashion industry really truly does have more failures than successes. I need to toughen my skin if I want to pursue any career, not just ones in fashion. Who knew modeling taught life skills also? Anywayyy..on to the lighter stuff. Last week was an awesome week for me.. May 20-21 : Pardon the detail, I need to share this because it was awesome. I get dragged to go out with my RAMP friends. It's a random wednesday night and I'm exhausted from work and an event at the British Embassy but I've already committed so I throw on whatever and head to Manor. I had insanely low expectations for the night which I've decided, is how I'm always going to go out because it brings fantastic results. We get our iced teas (we all don't really drink) and find a spot on the dance floor. It's close to this group of guys which is great eye-candy. There's one really cute one, totally my type. Tall, kalbo, lean, killer smile, tall, super cute and did I say tall? So whatever, I think he's cute and all but I'm wary of guys like him because there's always a catch. There's a reason the guys I've dated are all not my type. My friends are all gushing about tall guy's cute friend who apparently was on Pinoy Survivor. Not sure if he was the winner but he was on it. They're all freaking out about how, proximity-wise, he was right there and debating on whether we should take pictures with him. Being accustomed to the New Yorker way, I check out the "celebrity," affirm that he is cute and don't feel any inclination to bother the guy on his night out. I continue dancing, which is what I was there to do anyway. I still scope out Celebrity's cute friend. So we're dancing and having an ok time when my friend bravely taps Celebrity on the shoulder and asks to take a picture with him. I'm super excited though because TallCuteOne offers to the take the picture. Post-picture, Celebrity goes to me and says "Hi, my friend wants to know your name." For a split second I pray that it's TCO and not his other friends. So, I tell him my name and I almost drop dead because he turns to TCO and goes "Her name is Jules!!!" and then to me.. "This is R!" So R and I talk. As I expected, he's even cuter up close than when he was far away. And goddamn, he is tall. Even on my 3-in heels, I'm tiptoeing to talk to him and he's leaning down to talk to me. I'm insanely kilig but trying not to show it. Basically, I almost faint when he asks for my number. He's cocky. He has that aura of a guy who is cute and knows it. I move with my girls to a different spot on the dance floor. I talk to more guys, it feels nice. He also talks to other girls which gives me the impression he's collecting numbers. Boys, tsk. Before I leave, R comes over and goes, "wow. you have a lot of boys..." Mission accomplished, Game On. Hahaha. I'm evil. Two can play your game, R. You're in-demand, so am I. :) In the day that followed, I find out from friends that he too is a reality show "celebrity" and model. Pinoy Fear Factor though. I suspect he just wants to get laid. Hmm. I highly doubt that's gonna happen, lol. I ordinarily hate games but this I don't mind because he's freaking hot and having been involuntarily put back on the market, I've decided I'm at least going to have some fun with it.   So this is what Celebrity and R look like. Feel free to drool. Celebrity is the shorter one, R is the taller one. No idea why they are shirtless in this picture but I'm not complaining. And unfortunately, when we met, they were fully-clothed. lol.
Another picture of R.. gloriously shirtless. May 23 : We go to this Talent Agency to create a VTR for their file. We meet the owner and he says some very nice things about me. He thinks that I could be a great host because I have a good personality and I'm very classy and elegant. I express that if I did take on a career in entertainment/fashion, it would definitely be for print and runway. He says that even if I'm too short for the runway, he thinks that I can still make it. He says that I should grow my hair longer (already doing so) so that I have more flexibility in getting projects. He wants my headshots and thinks that I'm ready and can start asap. This gets me excited but I don't want to get too into it. I still want to think about it. The best part about it is that the Agent I was speaking to apparently worked in banking for 25 years as a VP for State Street in their Private Asset Management (or something) group prior to coming home to the PI and putting up his agency. We had a good talk about the industry and I think I gained even more of his respect. I'm excited about this opportunity though it will definitely have to wait until I get back from the US. I'm glad the door is open. May 24: Our photoshoot with Doc Marlon. In a few words-- tiring, exciting, fun and intimidating. DM is definitely a character and is absolute genius. He loves movement and awkward poses. There were times when he would focus his attention on the model and times when he would ignore her completely. I personally preferred that he paid attention only because I learned from his input and took ideas and cues from his vision. He was impatient and had a scathing tongue so the pressure is so great to do things right the first time. Fix your expression, fix your body, fix your hair, soften your look, part your lips, soften your fingers, shoulders back, look at the camera, look away from the camera were the easier orders that he would bark at the models. I unfortunately, got assigned a really awkward pose that he demanded I hold until the veins popped out of my hand. lol. But in retrospect that wasn't so bad. I'm excited to see how the pictures come out. Good, I hope. In the end Doc told me that I had a nice face, told me to lose a little more weight and grow my hair. I was excited by this feedback because by comparison, it was positive. Kuku also mentioned that Doc said that he thought I was pretty. She also told me that he makes me do the harder poses because he recognizes that I'm the strongest model in the group and wants to challenge me. That got me really excited and motivated to push myself to the limits. My entire body ached for hours afterwards. It was so worth it. I learned sooo much that day. Lesson #1 - Modeling is NOT easy. I had to hold poses, legs crossed, tiptoe, squat, crouch, jump, dance all in 4-in heels and still maintain my expression and confidence. Lesson #2 - Listen, listen, listen, listen very carefully to instructions. Lesson #3 - In photoshoots, there's always a shit ton of people watching (makeup artists, photographer assistants, studio personnel, other models) so you can't be self-conscious when you walk up to the set. The A-game should always be present. Lesson #4 - Don't take the criticism too harshly. Lesson #5 - Don't complain. Lesson #6 - Have fun with it. The list goes on.. but these are some of the major ones that I learned when I did my first ever photoshoot. So yes.. this so far wraps up the action that's been happening in my life the past few days. I'm really looking forward to the weeks ahead. This is a huge improvement from the old me who didn't want to face tomorrow. I'm so incredibly excited. :) :) :) |
